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FAMILY MEDIATION PROGRAM SERVES AS REFEREE FOR PARENTS AND TEENS
(Portland, OR) 1998 - When arguments about curfews, chores or phone use grow into something bigger, some parents and their teen-agers are turning to family mediation. They don't want to see a counselor, yet they need someone to step in and help.
For 10 years, the Family Mediation Program, a nonprofit organization, has helped parents and teens resolve differences. Mediators guide families through difficult times, from arguments about homework to reuniting runaways with their families. Usually, the disagreements are minor, says program director Marguerite Aichele-Smith, but they can cause big problems within a household. "By the time they come to us, sometimes they arent even talking to each other anymore, she says.
Each year, the program helps about 200 families. Many are referred to mediation by juvenile court counselors, teachers or Family Centers -- county-financed centers offering counseling, anger management and support groups. The Family Mediation Program offers an adult and teen-age mediator to meet with the parent and child. They aren't counselors and dont't give advice. Nor do they take sides. Instead, they help families identify problems and the issues they define, and come up with an agreement the teen and parent can accept.
Sometimes, the families simply need someone else to help them explain what is bothering them. "I feel like a translator, says 16-year-old Adrienne Armstrong, a volunteer mediator. Ive had experiences where the teen is trying to get what shes trying to say out but can't. I help them reword the problem and let the parent understand whats wrong. Having a teen-ager along with the adult at the session helps put young people at ease. "If it was just a bunch of adults, the teen wont speak up, Armstrong says. But with me here, they feel more comfortable. Its not like a bunch of adults staring at them like, How could you do this wrong?
Five teen-agers, who are involved in Franklin High Schools peer mediation program, and 20 adults volunteer at the Family Mediation Program. Each volunteer must undergo at least 30 hours of training to become a mediator. Sandy Jackson started volunteering with the program a few years ago after taking a mediation class at Portland State University. The employee assistance counselor sees the program as a challenge. "You have to balance the power, let kids have a voice, Jackson says. You have to make sure the parent lets them do that.
The program is part of Resolutions Northwest, a nonprofit organization that also offers victim-offender mediation in Multnomah County. The Family Mediation Program costs about $45,000 a year to run and is paid for by state and county money as well as grants. Families are charged from $10 to $50 a session depending on their incomes, but families arent turned away if they can't pay, Aichele-Smith says.
Usually, the mediators meet with families two or three times. When mediators find that the family needs more help than they can offer, they refer the families to counselors or other programs. Other times, there isnt a specific problem, but families want to help set new rules as the children grow older. "Just as parents don't get a manual for a baby, they don't get one on teen-agers, Aichele-Smith says. So it's great if families want to come in before there is a problem. At the end of the mediation, families write an agreement, showing the progress they made and the new rules they will follow. Six or 12 months later, mediators check with families to see how they are doing. Sometimes, they meet again to fine-tune the agreement.
Cathy Abernathy turned to the program a few months ago when she tired of serving as the messenger between her ex-husband and their 12-year-old daughter. Even though the girl and her father are close, Abernathy said, they often turned to her when problems arose. "They wanted me to interpret their conversations, she said. I kept telling them, What are you going to do if something happens to me? How would you communicate? The mediation program brought all three together and helped them listen to one another. Now they talk on their own, Abernathy says. They learned to do it on their own.
Aichele-Smith says that 95 percent of the families contacted after six or 12 months say the program was helpful or that they would recommend it to a friend.
Laura Trujillo covers news and features for The Oregonians Crime, Justice and Public Safety Team. She can be reached by phone at 294-7664, by mail at 1320 S.W. Broadway, Portland, Ore. 97201, or by e-mail at LauraTrujillo@news.oregonian.com.
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