Talk Directly

If there is no threat of violence, talk directly to the person with whom you have the problem. Direct conversation is much more effective than sending a letter, banging on the wall, throwing a rock or complaining to everyone else.

Choose a Good Time

Plan to talk to the other person at the right time and allow enough time to talk. For example, don’t begin the discussion as the other person is leaving for work, after you have had a terrible day, or right before you have to make dinner.

Plan Ahead

Think out what you want to say before your meeting. State clearly what the problem is and how it affects you. Talk in a quiet place where you can both be comfortable and undisturbed.

Show Respect

Respect means different things to different people. However, no one wants to be blamed or called names. Upsetting the other person only makes it more difficult to be heard. Do not blame the other person or begin the conversation with what you think should be done.

Give Information

Do not interpret the other person’s behavior: “You are blocking my driveway on purpose just to make me mad!” Instead, give information about your own feelings: “When your car blocks my driveway, I get angry because I can’t get to work on time.”

Listen

Give the other person a chance to tell his or her side of the conflict completely. Relax and listen; try to learn how the other person feels.

Show That You Are Listening

Although you may not agree with what is being said, tell the other person that you hear him or her and are glad that you are discussing the problem together.

Talk It Out

Once you start, get all of the issues and feelings out into the open. Don’t leave out the part that seems “too difficult” to discuss or “too insignificant” to be important. Your solution will work best if all issues are discussed thoroughly.

Work On a Solution

Two or more people cooperating are much more effective than one person telling another to change. Be specific: “I will turn my music off at midnight” is better than a vague, “I won’t play loud music anymore.” Then write down your agreement and what each person will do.

Follow-Up

Agree to check with each other at specific times to make sure that the agreement is still working.